Just before I got the idea of writing my own blog, one of my friends asked me up to write about something I had helped her with back in my college days. As she explained me few days back(which I was totally unaware of), I helped her get out of the situation in a big way and so she wanted me to do a write up so that (maybe) others could be helped even a bit!

Every person has their own way out, to deal with situation, that varies with your own experiences as well as experiences of others.

Relationships- some of us get into them while we are just kids and they turned out to be partners for life. Some of the others, get in an off and on relationship. Some of us learnt a good deal in relationships and others got betrayed. There were also few who could not speak their heart out, even if they had the strong feeling for the other one(for the purpose of not losing the person for life). The list gets really long with each of our individual stances and learning.

Until its all lovey dovey, happy and cheerful period, none of us really care, what is wrong or right with our behaviour. Real scenario comes out only when we start finding the long hiccups in partnership, that we really start introspecting our own self.  But till we reach the point, the bus seems to have already left the station.

 Is it even worthy of introspection then?

Not all people behave similarly in all scenario- while some may be completely outspoke, others might be shy, while some take soft take on scenarios, their partner may outrightly reject their way of behaviour.

I somewhere feel, that it’s never about a single person. A relationship continues or fails, not because what one person did, rather it’s a culmination of various factors that happened at different time frame, but affects our mindset only when a “big” thing happens. To simplify it, this big thing is causation of many small  factors that have acted previously but we have not taken that out of our mind and holding out to it, leads to the final fire. Example- You may say I broke up my relation with that person because s/he cheated on me. But somewhere, you knew beforehand that there were signs that s/he was not speaking the truth at few instances, or s/he might be ignoring you for quite a time, but you preferred not to dig into the matter and speak out freely to them just like the way you used to do in past.

With time, people get so overly engage among themselves, that they really forget the outside world. They forget that there is a society outside- your friends, your family and your acquaintances, whom you have held for a long time, but you cannot find time for them for the sake of  spending time with “one special person”.

But this period has to end sometime or the other. Human being is a social animal, they needs people around them to socialize, to share their feelings, emotions. Everything cannot be constricted to a single person for a lifetime. Let me substantiate again- You might be a big fan of Bollywood, but your partner might not be one. And it’s perfectly fine! But going to another friend or family for watching that Bollywood movie might not seem a feasible option for you. Is your partner the reason? No! You are the reason. If you keep faking that it’s fine to watch Hollywood movie for them, or they keep compromising watching Bollywood movies for you, none of you might find the ending happy. For this you need the Balance in societal relations as well as proper understanding with your partner from the very start of your relationship.  We do not need to match up with the behavior of our partners every time, after all two different and unique personalities can only complete what is called “partnership” .

Some others may be a victim of “betrayal from their partners”. The issue here is that these souls gave their best to their partners and so they anticipated a right reciprocation. When they got to the actual truth, some take it as a learning, while some of them break so bad, that it take years to recover from those muddled memories. It’s not just the bad memory that rips their heart apart, rather its all the good memories, they had cherished with them that becomes difficult to let go. To all such friends, I would like to say- Let bygones be bygones. Start your life afresh. Think of what you gave to them, and what they contributed to your personality positively. Holding on to negative feelings only draws you back in life and fills your life with lack of confidence and empathy for others. Start seeing others around you from a clean spectacle that’s your own and not the one that has been dirtied by some wrong memories. You will surely find someone around you who is ready to give you a helping hand to recover and walk out better- it may be anyone- someone from your family, friend, or it could even be a stranger. You just need to start LIVING again- for yourself. There can be no one more important to you than your own self (first). It might be easier for me to say, but if somebody lets you go, there should be no holding back forcefully. Our life is like a river- it might encounter big boulders on its way to the destination, it diverts and part ways, but never stops flowing. So should you, champ!

By now, you would have a clear cut idea of why I chose to write “unhealthy” instead of “toxic” to describe a failed or failing relationship. Nothing is toxic and like everything, the phases of relationship keeps changing and so does our viewpoint.

Hogging on to the blame game, that s/he did not do this right or I could have done better by doing this, only slows you down. The reality check here is- No one ever waits for anyone. In the words of the famous magician P.C Sarkar Sr, “The show must go on”. This may be difficult but it is never impossible. It just depends on how fast you adapt yourself to the scene and start again from that brief pause.

Kyunki-

“Picture abhi baanki hai mere dost!” 😊

 SENDING YOU HOPE, HOPE AND ONLY HOPE IN LIFE