It was one difficult choice to make, but I could not stop myself from venting out the discrimination I felt a few days back. Well, this time, I am not speaking about the rampant gender discrimination for which I have been vocal for years now. Instead, this is one silent, accepted, and Indianised discrimination that one can only feel if they do not rank highest in societal strata.
Let me clarify to all of you reading this: I am not against rituals per se. But I am strictly against those that promote inherent bias: be it in the form of religion, caste, gender, etc.
Recently I was invited to a pooja at a friend’s house where there were some close family members and few friends. Towards the end of the pooja, as we all waited for prashad (offering distributed among all people present), I noticed something unwelcoming.
The Panditji conducting pooja said, “Distribute this among the brahmans present here.” I, for once, thought he might still be performing some ritual there. But later on, realised, all the other people in the room got their share of prashad except for the two of us. Apparently, because we were non-brahmins. The worst of it all, I saw people passing their share to each other right in front of us and kept saying, “saare brahman mai baat do(distribute it among all brahmans).”
I felt bad witnessing this. Frankly, I felt numb within because it was for the very first time I saw this happening. The caste discrimination that we heard, read, and wrote about so many times was happening right in front of me. I could not stop myself and asked one of the people, “don’t we deserve the prashad? Is it only for brahmins? “To which he replied hesitatingly, “yes, you can have it”. I took a quarter of it and sat in one corner, still grasping it. Later on, I tried to make peace with the fact that something like this had effected me.
But, should such things be even made peace about? I felt uneasy and called up my dad and generally asked him, “In your 30+ years of service in Bihar, has this caste discrimination impacted you?” He casually replied, “Yes, multiple times. But you cannot do much about it, stay put and don’t overthink!”
That day I realised that until you are at the receiving end of any social prejudice, you will not understand how people feel when they are treated unequally and not given their fair share.
Many people argue this in the name of culture; you cannot eliminate the very essence of societal rituals.
So, for those saying that these rituals keep our culture alive, why not cherry-pick those that are meant to glue us as a society and not the ones that can ostracise someone? Besides, it is also necessary to know that these existed the way it is from the very beginning or has it been changed to fixate on the prestige of a few sections of society?
What Does It Means To Be Caste Discriminated In India?
Many of you might simply deject my understanding and say, “isko kya pata caste ke baare mai?” or “what would have she faced”. It’s about these minute things that matter. If we don’t change our mentality or do not change the way we think about specific rituals (be it from any religion around the world), do we see a change in the future? Are we envisaging our destination the same way our Constitution thought it to be?
Being educated is one thing; being wise is another, and being able to face and change the inherent biases of the world is something that needs guts and courage. Just like a river that changes its course when it faces the large boulders along its way, we as a human should bring the change too. Nature is a living example of how things must change with time! That may be harsh for people you love, but it will be a torch of hope who will love you in future.
Article 15 of the Constitution of India prohibits any discrimination on the grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth. But are we actually living and following this?
Ask your heart, and you will find multiple answers around you.
I wonder, in this 21st-century world, when we should focus on important subjects like education, hospital, drinking water, food, etc. All of them are impacted heavily by caste discrimination.
Countless salutes to the makers of the Constitution of India, who thought well in advance broadly about all their subjects rather than a selective few and provided the rights to all of them in a free India.
Thank you, Babasaheb Ji, for bringing us a living document, the epitome of what it means to be human!
PS: My quest for understanding the discrimination with ground reality has just begun!
As the day in the lap of Western Ghats winded up, my head hit another turmoil. Well, it had been since long, but a part of me felt tangled up in the vicinity of nature yet away from it, in the serenity of winds yet far away from the calmness of soul. Usually, on vacations, I feel entirely unwinded, with my heart throbbing for the biggest adventures. Still, there was a part of me that was feeling lonely and distressed.
At our first stop near Panchgani, as I sat down near the small rocks “trying” to enjoy the panoramic view of Shayadris, my heart throbbed to its highest, and I felt as if the entire scenery was rotating in front of my eyes with me being secluded in the environs. I felt as if the rains started downpouring again, but it was the teardrops that fell on my hands because I did not feel good.
The entire day passed off, and I was in a switch-on and switch-off mood because I knew this had been “normal” for some time now.I felt something wrong/not good within but tried to make peace with it. Even in the presence of people around me, I felt alone. It is okay if nobody understands you because at the end of the day, it is you who have to understand yourself. And I think it is okay because it is a part of a big journey that we undertake. But with this, I also realised one more thing- My extreme love for the Himalayas.
I know nature is the same everywhere, but I don’t know if it provides the same peace anywhere else. Even in the worst of situations and mindsets, I have seen how the Himalayas and their ranges have provided me peace and assured me of calmness. For a few, the touristy attractions are a checklist; for others, explorations are a checklist, and many others find zen at any possible location is possible, but for me- I find the same peace with Himalayan mountains as I find with the presence of my mom.
This doesn’t mean I did not love the ranges of Western Ghats, but something was amiss- and it was not nature; it was my utmost love and admiration for the Himalayas. Those highest points standing in pride make you grounded in humbleness, the snow-clad peaks reverberate with calmness in the soul, and those chilly winds can stabilise the most stormy waves in your heart. I never felt I would say so while being at a whole different place together- “Dear Himalayas, you are my home, and you are my final destination. I might not have that privilege of being born there, but I sure wish to breathe my last there.”
While I watch the video of a cute three-year-old British girl Lilly talking about work, I feel that children are so pure. Why can’t we retain the heart of children for life? Pure, selfless, loving, and caring towards everyone in the world. As we start to grow old, we become more and more self-centered, focusing more on worldly pleasure than the much-needed peace within.
What is up with the constant urge of wanting more? Sometimes, it’s not just limited to the money. It’s about everything. Buying a house, or purchasing a car, and thereafter wanting a bigger car, and then the need for a luxury car. The need never stops. Doesn’t the amenities that we buy or wish to buy, bring us a sense of satisfaction? Does this actually happen? The answer is a big no. You just find yourself trapped for life- in a cage of dissatisfaction, a cage of jealousy, and a cage of disrespect for oneself.
While many people debated the authenticity of scenes in the Netflix series- Decoupled, I found it so amazing and interesting. A married couple, sitting in two corners of a luxury car, being driven by a chauffeur and scrolling through their mobile phones throughout. Isn’t it what everyone is living?
We wake up, get ready for the office, scroll mobile phones during commutation, take a look at what everyone else is doing through our social media feeds, reach the office, do our work, return back, and sleep. That’s it! There are really very few who find a problem in this. Everyone is okay with how their life is. After all, they are paid a salary that helps them sustain themselves.
Yes, sustenance is another topic that is much debatable in modern lifestyle. Many youngsters who want to follow their passion are barred due to family pressure which originates from the roots of societal pressure. Then comes adult, who has accepted the way of life, even if it comes at the cost of their own happiness. Happiness- which is derived from the thoughts of others- what others perceive you to be, what others say, and what makes “others” happy. I constantly find people near me telling me they are doing things in monotony, even when they don’t love doing it- just for the sake of money! I can never find a single person justifying their action. In the midst of it all, one forgets to keep themselves happy. I cannot justify this better without using the example of social media.
The constant need to not miss out on something, the gen-Z term of FOMO holds much in this regard. We authenticate ourselves through what others think of us. One like makes you happy, while a negative comment makes you unhappy. At times, someone not commenting or liking your picture bothers you. We, people, have gelled up so much on social media but fell apart as human beings. Judging others on the basis of looks, speech, background, nativity, and shape of the body has become casual enough for anyone to care.
Happiness is a personal affair, that cannot be perceived in terms of what others think of us. It has to be your own. If you need to be uncaged, you need to break the barrier yourself. No one, not even your closest person can do that for you. For the people who think money is the end, try making it just a part, and then you will be able to choose wisely. Do not constrain yourself in a toxic environment, if you are not willing to just for the sake of money. You are capable enough to reach where you are. You will definitely reach a better place with the pinch of self-confidence, self-pride, and being a constant cheerleader for yourself.
Things may come and go, but this life won’t. Live it awaara style, a life you will be proud to speak of. A life that will be yours, and happiness that speaks of who you are. Rather than regretting what you could have done better, take up the charge now. As I write this, I prepare myself for the same.
I am not sure if this helped you gather the courage for finding a better you. But, do what makes you a happy and better version of yourself now. I found my happiness after a huge deal of learning, and at no cost am I going to lose this sanity. Nothing is more important than being YOU. Everything else will eventually follow.
On one of my least busy days, I took out time to write down my feelings pervading since last few days after my arrival to Kashmir. Is solo travelling good or bad? Should it be frequented? Is it safe? What do people think of you as you travel to remote areas without much fuzz? Is it worth it?
As soon as I collected my baggage at the luggage belt, I stood by the side of one of the queues looking for my vaccination certificate at Srinagar airport. One of the personnel deployed at the airport asked me if I had my vaccination certificate and I showed it to him. After checking it, he enquired if I was travelling alone or with somebody, the places of my visit and so on. To which I explained about my solo travel and “not-so-planned” trip that I was undertaking.
He was much surprised and enquired further why did I come alone or if there was nobody at home to accompany me. I was not so surprised as I had anticipated that people would not take it casually about the girl travelling solo in Kashmir. After he was convinced, he suggested a few places that I could visit during the trip. He fastened my vaccination checking process after verification and I did not have to stand the long queue there.
I came out of the airport and a driver who came for pickup kept my luggage in the backseat of a Chevrolet Tavera. As soon as I hopped in, the same question surrounded me again. Why are you travelling alone? Don’t you have any friends or family? Are you unmarried? Are your family members alive? This again was not a surprise for me, as I have had the habit of being questioned previously.
These were just two instances of my arrival. Imagine how difficult it must have been for me to keep answering every person I interact with for the same questions over and over again.
Of course, I understand the concern of a few people regarding safety and security, but after a time, travelling alone kinda makes you feel like a loner. Loner- not in a negative sense, but you start enjoying your own company and other people might not fit in the chamber of your travel vibes. People often question me- why don’t you make vlogs or post more pictures on your travel page.
For me travelling alone is not about clicking pictures for social media or posting tonnes of videos as I travel or ticking off this this this places in the list. For me, travelling is a meditation. For me, it’s more about not just visiting the place but being in a place, soaking in the atmosphere of it, interacting with zillions of people I meet on this journey, and learning all I lack from them. This is one of the reasons I do not travel to escape distress, but make travel a part of distress and my cluttered thoughts. I never feel that travelling alone provides you a solution to the problems, but it does provide a time to think of what this clutter is about. Understanding the issue first, giving it a break, and then proceeding to the solution.
All of you reading this might have encountered the state of negativity and how you might have wanted to run from everything. The solution approach for many might have been talking to family or friends, for many it would be just distracting yourself with something else and many others even find it convenient to doze it off with a small nap. Every single person has their way. Assuming somebody to be a loner just because they are travelling alone, or questioning their very existence just because a girl or boy cannot travel alone is non-existential.
As I write this blog, I sit in one of the corners of a well-lit room in Movera with the Lidder river flowing by the side of the resort, Zithyar peak visible from the glass window of my room, my feet warmed by the cozy blanket, birds making a fleet in the farmland of Zaffran. I feel like a happy loner and proud solo traveller. I can listen to the sweet chirruping of birds, catch hold of a leafless birch tree with an eagle perched on the top of it and nothing but trees in sight.
So next time you find someone travelling alone, do not question their independence but appreciate them for having the guts in the world for leaping forward.
“ Apni Bandi ke liye agar 50000 ₹ se upar ka lehenga le lenge, to problem nahi hai. Kyunki larkiya mehenge kapde pehenti hai. Par apne liye I can’t think of such costly sherwani.”
“It’s a prerogative of men to fulfill wishes of his wife”
“Tum jaha jaogi bata dena”
I was hell frustrated before I was compelled to write this piece. When you point something wrong in the society, it’s difficult to live with that because people compel you with every other reason, as to why and how you are wrong. Specially when you are a opinionated woman, it’s even more difficult, because it’s hard for people(both men and women) to grasp that you can voice something on your own. The primary reason for this is- everyone today speaks of equality, gender sensitivity, progressive society. But these words remain as words, they are never turned into action. Standing for what you speak of, requires courage and moreover that brave act requires your heart to take a standalone feel that you are right. No matter what anyone says, if my heart says this is right, I will stand by it! Even if it means standing against the set notions of the society we live in.
While some acquire that courage to stand up against the society, they lack the conviction for standing against the society’s wrong. Eventually the person starts doubting themselves that might have done something wrong deviating from the parochial thoughts of society.
Few months back, while one of my friends was getting married, he was ok with his belief of spending lakhs on her fiancé’s lehenga even though she was financially independent. But he was not okay with the fact of even spending the optimum as per his choice and taste on a garment that he wanted to wear on his special day- because “larke itna mehenga nai pehente.” A similar incident happened with another friend, and that was the time I truly felt that this is not something I can live with. You are made to live in a world, where people are okay with saying something so casually and I do not blame them for such thinking. Maybe they have grown seeing people following it, but it’s not the “progressing” society that they speak of in discussions. I respect the choice of what range a person wants to spend in for their own wedding, but compromising your bit, so that you can fulfill someone else’s wish, just to be doubly sure that you are standing by the notion of society- “Larke kaa kaam hota hai larkiyon ke har wish ko pura karna”. This is something that I do not stand for.
I firmly believe that the society has evolved with time and so should the mindset of everyone around. It is wrong of boys to think that marriage is all about fulfilling the wishes of his girl. What’s it with both girls and boys who take jokes like- “shadi ke baad jeevan khatam” and all too seriously. The WhatsApp jokes reinforced in family and friend groups on notions like these are very challenging to an evolving mind. Some even say that “take this as joke and nothing else”, but… Dude, I haven’t seen men in such a dominating light in any jokes. It’s the women who are made villains and yeah it is offending.
Dictating someone to do something when that person does not want that suggestion is clearly an example in this direction. Do you know the reason for it is nothing but majority of men and women are trained from their childhood that women are under someone’s protection- be it her father, brother or husband. They find it completely okay to take suggestion and suppress their own will to keep someone happy.
To be very open about it, I would be lying if I said that challenging stereotypes like this does not take a mental toll on me at times. I do speak up for my cause, and I am never afraid to speak about what I feel is right. But sometimes, it happens that after speaking up, it takes me down the memory lane where I am reminded that no one in my family did so! None of the girl or woman in my family spoke up, even when they knew that things done to them have been wrong. Why do I need to be the fighter, to be a villain in everyone’s eye? If I speak up, that would mean upsetting people very close to me- my own dad, my own friends, my own soulmate… all those who mean most to me.
Things might be similar for guys as well who are trying to break stereotype and set an example, but they might not feel wronged until they themselves reinforce such a belief because the precedent set by society is always in their favor.
Instead of singling your thoughts on the fact that it’s a man’s duty to fulfill the family’s wishes, why don’t we try to work in duality? What if people of house both take charge to fulfill their family’s wishes? What if people don’t just speak of breaking stereotypes and actually try doing it by standing firm on their actions? What if people just don’t judge someone for having an opinion?
And by people, I do mean- both men and women. Don’t you think life would be much sorted then? It takes courage to stand against society, but it takes guts to keep believing your uniqueness that will set an example for your future generations to come.
The month was December and the year was 2017. It was not weirdly cold, but we felt the chills after we had set off to Kausani even in the dazzling morning hours. The journey was to take some 2 hours by the road from Almora. The cab ran on the road just like a knife runs on a butter due to which we did not feel any wariness during the journey to Kausani.
Since we had the option of check in at the Hotel at around 2pm, we had ample time to discover few amazing places around. We asked our Driver Bhaijee, if he would suggest some nice, quaint location nearby where we could visit before checking in. After giving some thought, he suggested us a place some 10 kilometers from Kausani , named Rudradhari Falls. But he cautioned us that we need to trek for 2 kms to reach the place. We promptly agreed to it without any second thought as we had adequate time to discover the place. On our way, we stopped at Chai Dukan near Maler village to have some quick snacks. The lady sitting at Chai shop enquired about where we were going, and after she heard about Rudradhari, she hurried us up, and cautioned us not to be late as it was a quiet jungle with less visitors in that season.
Just after taking the cut towards Rudradhari on Kantali Village road, we could see vast yellow fields on one side with few huts around. It appeared as if the village was into some sort of cultivation that season. The shades of yellow and green intermingled and swore to amaze the eyes looking at them. On the other side, there was huge blocks of mountains with patches of greenery on the surface and pine trees on the top surface, which I thought was difficult to reach, only till I saw some goats grazing the surface. It might have been possible that there were some huts on the top as well.
It was only some 15 minutes before we were to reach the destination when our car was stopped by some villagers who sat on chairs near the road. There were 2-3 men eagerly looking to talk to us and few other boys who were mending the chain of the wheel in the broken cycle. One of them named Prem Ji, somewhere in his 30s came to us and asked if we need any guide for the trek. Bhaijee told us that these locals were well aware of the terrain and it would be safe to go along with them rather than venturing alone in the quaint jungle. We asked Prem Ji , if we could do the trek ourselves and he agreed happily, saying that we could do as per our wishes and they offered their services only for the safety and providing knowledge to the tourist.
I loved the fact, that the person could use the situation to all his advantage and could tell us some negative things about the route as well so that we had no other option than hiring him. But he did not do that, rather explained us the route from where to start and few caution to avoid deviating.
The best thing about Local Pahadia people is that they are straight forward and at the same time very honest to the outsiders. Filling pocket is not their interest, rather they make sure that travellers like us get best of our experiences during the time. Besides, you get to know many cultural and village stories, which you always remember for life.
I don’t know why, but without discussing it further, I asked Prem Ji to accompany us and be our trek guide. He joyfully boarded the front seat of the cab and asked the driver to stop at the place from where we needed to tread the way on foot. Prem Ji asked us to take at least a litre of water from the small and only shop at the place, as the next water source was quite a distance away.
Chanting the name of Mahadev, we started the trek.
Nature always surprises us in a way we can never think of. After a 15 minutes ascend in the path, we suddenly reached a lush green jungle nestled amidst huge mountains. There was small shrubs, grasses and huge trees as well. But the most eye catching experience was the view of Yellow and Orangish leaves on the tree which we generally see after the fall in autumn. Just below it was the small stream of river and we could easily hear the sound of burbles it made while flowing. As the place was deadening silent, we could hear even the slightest sound of dry leaves the we crushed as we advanced along the way. I was so happy seeing that crystal clear water that I could not stop myself from taking few moments to wash my face and have few sips of this “blessed” water. That feeling of relaxation and refreshment as I splashed my face with the river water, is something unforgettable.
The “blessed” water of Kosi inside the jungle
As we kept walking, the huge communities of Chir, Pine, Oaks, Sals, and Vijaysar kept welcoming us with flowers and leaves of varied colours and sizes.
I was amused to see some lone standing vertical rocks of immense size by the side of river. It was only when we started clicking pictures that Prem Ji told us that for villagers like them, it was a play to just walk and run on those standing rocks. We thought he was joking and disbelieved him as we laughed and started adjusting the lenses.
It is phenomena that you might not believe as you read this, but having experienced it in front of my eyes, I was startled. I suddenly heard that thumping sound of a run. In no time, Prem Ji, had ran on the walls of that huge rock and before we could close our lids, he was back on the other side of the ground. Without a bit of struggle, he did what he was saying in no time.
Even before we could grasp it, he did it again for the second time, with the same ease , and we stayed startled. It was just in a fraction of minutes, and we were so surprised that we did not even get the time to record it. This was something my natural lenses would remember forever. I told him that his skills were unimaginable and he was nothing less than “Shivaay”. (Since I had watched the Ajay Devgan movie few days back and could not stop myself from giving him the title)
We then kept walking quietly, without any questions on his skill where he kept explaining us , how he fought a wild pig in his village and saved a kid’s life. Everything seemed plausible after that stunt we had seen few moments back. Among such talks and his explanation to us about the place, we reached the Rudradhari Fall.
After an hour climb, we were there! We also met a family of three accompanied by security guard leaving the temple premises.
Nestled among the mountains of Someshwar Range in Uttarakhand, the fall had a small temple dedicated to Rudra(Shiv) and Hari(Vishnu) with a small pond near to it having a decent volume of water. Prem Ji, explained to us, during the monsoons, the area gets flooded with river water and sometimes washes away vegetation along the way due to the current. We took off our shoes and entered the temple made in a natural cave. We could see a small Shivaling with small metal made serpent around. The Pandit Ji there believed it was the place where Shiv and Vishnu prayed together, hence was named Rudradhari. Besides, a famous sage named Swami Sadanand Ji Maharaj is said to have practiced meditation in the cave for many years. He also informed us that there were many snakes in that pond as well where the water falls, some tiny and some large ones and the place was frequented by tigers and fox at odd hours of night. We spent quite a time in the silence of the place and felt rejuvenated within. The sun was about to set in an hour or two and we had to leave. This is the most difficult part for me specifically for a place where the silence doesn’t haunts me and I can feel myself. But we had to, to avoid wee hours of the night travelling back to Kausani.
The main temple arena
We started our journey back to the shop from where had started. The return journey was comparatively easy as we knew the paths and terrain. But before we could even reach the mid-section of the trail, we saw a stone fall in front of us. We immediately stopped there and then Prem Ji was quick enough to assess the situation. He took us behind the boulder on our way back and asked us to stay calm and uptight, without any movement. We followed his every single word and then after few minutes, he showed us a black bear that was climbing back on the mountains. We were hell frightened to see the Bear for first time in our lives. I mean, yeah I saw them last, in a caged zoo, not this daring, but eating a banana and looking towards the people who flashed their camera at them.
But isn’t it wrong to get frightened at such places? Afterall it’s their home! We are some unusual guest who enter their premises and feel them to be someone we can fear! Don’t you think if someone tries to enter your house without being called for, you might react repulsively? Prem Ji told us, that they generally exist with movement of human being, until and unless they feel threatened by an enemy. He speculated that the family with security guard, who had left just as we reached the temple(a difference of some 1 hour with current time), might have strayed in the forest knowingly or unknowingly (as we spotted them there few moment back on our return journey as well). As the security guard was carrying a rifle , it might have been possible that bear would have spotted him with it and considering them as a threat, he looked for a chance to frighten us, so he pushed a big stone amidst our way. When we saw the bear climbing back, we resumed our journey back with a faster pace, fearing that it could return. It took 40 more minutes to reach that shop, where we sat down, and gasped for breath. The shopkeeper, his wife, our guide and driver discussed amongst themselves the incident. The wife came and serves us a cup of coffee and said, “ Madam Ji, ye janwaro ka ghar hai, wo to apne bachon ki suraksha karenge hi. Logo ko rules follow karni chahye”. (Madam, it is a home to animals too. They also want to protect their kids. People should follow the rules)
I felt saddened by the feel that how these local communities, even if not well versed with rules and regulations, knew to protect the wild life and co-exist with them peacefully. But the so called literate people, couldn’t! Tourism doesn’t simply means that you are going to a place that you paid for, and doing as per your wishes. Remember, you need to follow the local tips, the government regulations for conserving flora and fauna, and most importantly, respect every being around you, be it people, animals, plants. You are there as a tourist, but it is a home to them, their life, their everything.
With many happy and cherishing memories, with lot of practical learnings, and thanking our “Shivaay” a.k.a Prem Ji our protector in truest sense, we boarded the cab. We left the place and moved towards those neatly curved roads, and saw the sun gradually move towards the horizon over the vast cultivated fields dashing with greens and yellows.
Just before I got the idea of writing my own blog, one of my friends asked me up to write about something I had helped her with back in my college days. As she explained me few days back(which I was totally unaware of), I helped her get out of the situation in a big way and so she wanted me to do a write up so that (maybe) others could be helped even a bit!
Every person has their own way out, to deal with situation, that varies with your own experiences as well as experiences of others.
Relationships- some of us get into them while we are just kids and they turned out to be partners for life. Some of the others, get in an off and on relationship. Some of us learnt a good deal in relationships and others got betrayed. There were also few who could not speak their heart out, even if they had the strong feeling for the other one(for the purpose of not losing the person for life). The list gets really long with each of our individual stances and learning.
Until its all lovey dovey, happy and cheerful period, none of us really care, what is wrong or right with our behaviour. Real scenario comes out only when we start finding the long hiccups in partnership, that we really start introspecting our own self. But till we reach the point, the bus seems to have already left the station.
Is it even worthy of introspection then?
Not all people behave similarly in all scenario- while some may be completely outspoke, others might be shy, while some take soft take on scenarios, their partner may outrightly reject their way of behaviour.
Source: Getty Image
I somewhere feel, that it’s never about a single person. A relationship continues or fails, not because what one person did, rather it’s a culmination of various factors that happened at different time frame, but affects our mindset only when a “big” thing happens. To simplify it, this big thing is causation of many small factors that have acted previously but we have not taken that out of our mind and holding out to it, leads to the final fire. Example- You may say I broke up my relation with that person because s/he cheated on me. But somewhere, you knew beforehand that there were signs that s/he was not speaking the truth at few instances, or s/he might be ignoring you for quite a time, but you preferred not to dig into the matter and speak out freely to them just like the way you used to do in past.
With time, people get so overly engage among themselves, that they really forget the outside world. They forget that there is a society outside- your friends, your family and your acquaintances, whom you have held for a long time, but you cannot find time for them for the sake of spending time with “one special person”.
But this period has to end sometime or the other. Human being is a social animal, they needs people around them to socialize, to share their feelings, emotions. Everything cannot be constricted to a single person for a lifetime. Let me substantiate again- You might be a big fan of Bollywood, but your partner might not be one. And it’s perfectly fine! But going to another friend or family for watching that Bollywood movie might not seem a feasible option for you. Is your partner the reason? No! You are the reason. If you keep faking that it’s fine to watch Hollywood movie for them, or they keep compromising watching Bollywood movies for you, none of you might find the ending happy. For this you need the Balance in societal relations as well as proper understanding with your partner from the very start of your relationship. We do not need to match up with the behavior of our partners every time, after all two different and unique personalities can only complete what is called “partnership” .
Some others may be a victim of “betrayal from their partners”. The issue here is that these souls gave their best to their partners and so they anticipated a right reciprocation. When they got to the actual truth, some take it as a learning, while some of them break so bad, that it take years to recover from those muddled memories. It’s not just the bad memory that rips their heart apart, rather its all the good memories, they had cherished with them that becomes difficult to let go. To all such friends, I would like to say- Let bygones be bygones. Start your life afresh. Think of what you gave to them, and what they contributed to your personality positively. Holding on to negative feelings only draws you back in life and fills your life with lack of confidence and empathy for others. Start seeing others around you from a clean spectacle that’s your own and not the one that has been dirtied by some wrong memories. You will surely find someone around you who is ready to give you a helping hand to recover and walk out better- it may be anyone- someone from your family, friend, or it could even be a stranger. You just need to start LIVING again- for yourself. There can be no one more important to you than your own self (first). It might be easier for me to say, but if somebody lets you go, there should be no holding back forcefully. Our life is like a river- it might encounter big boulders on its way to the destination, it diverts and part ways, but never stops flowing. So should you, champ!
By now, you would have a clear cut idea of why I chose to write “unhealthy” instead of “toxic” to describe a failed or failing relationship. Nothing is toxic and like everything, the phases of relationship keeps changing and so does our viewpoint.
Hogging on to the blame game, that s/he did not do this right or I could have done better by doing this, only slows you down. The reality check here is- No one ever waits for anyone. In the words of the famous magician P.C Sarkar Sr, “The show must go on”. This may be difficult but it is never impossible. It just depends on how fast you adapt yourself to the scene and start again from that brief pause.
It was our Day 1 at Kaza. After ten hours of journey the previous day, we were tired to another extreme. Body parts felt disoriented after the journey we took from Manali to Kaza. Special Thanks to be given to the total unkempt road from Manali-Batal-Losar, where it appeared that there was no road and our Traveller was ferrying on rocks and stones only. The journey was scenic but quite adventurous.
Sea buckthorn Chai is life saver at high alt ❤️
We had not been totally acclimatized to the new place perched at 12500 feet(which is totally not recommended- Please ensure you have at least a day of proper rest until you feel comfortable at the new altitude and your breathing appears to be normal). Even after 7-8 hours of proper sleep, the breathing pattern was faster and there was a moderate headache among all of us who were to take the journey that day( My SPO2 level was at 72) .At the Himalayan Café, I chose to have a bread, omelette and poha. I was extremely hungry and waited for the food to arrive soon. Vishakha, our host there, suggested us to have Sea Buckthorn Chai instead of Coffee, which would help us keep the body warm. After having a cup of it, we felt much better. Having thanked her for such an amazing suggestion, we boarded our Traveller and left for the first destination of the day- Pin Valley National Park.
I felt as if the headache kept increasing with the height we were attaining during the journey. I could not hold myself with that intensity of pain in head, and asked Jagjeet Ji (our driver) to stop at a corner of the road. So he stopped at a safe location on that road and I threw up as soon as I got out of the vehicle. I felt a sense of relief and vibe as if I could enjoy now on. My head did not feel banging, and we crossed the bridge that let us to Pin Valley National Park.
The rugged uneven terrain of mountains as we enter Pin Valley
As you keep venturing inside the Pin Valley, the view gets smoother with more of green patches for cultivation in the sight
With the eroded standing rocks and mountainous crevice that are a characteristic feature of Spiti Valley on one side, we saw greenish blue colored Pin river on the other side, flowing in its full glory. I had made an assumption that National Park would be a forested area just like the other ones like Jim Corbett and all, but it was same as the road that we undertook while crossing that bridge before entering the Park. Only difference was that any developmental work like setting up of commercial stays, restaurants, or hunting activities and even grazing was not allowed there( these are true of other National Parks you hear). In the hapless expectation of spotting a snow leopard there, my eyes were tired after looking even at the farthest rocks on the mountain. Since the leopards camouflage entirely with the tone of rocks, spotting one is difficult in summers. Snow provides an excellent condition of catching their sight. I could not see any of the fauna as mentioned on the board describing flora and fauna of PVNP. Since there was a significant green patch on the borders of the road, and the valley surrounding the river, I assumed they consisted of many medicinal plant and herbs, flowers, and spices, that were mentioned at the entrance. (A good sight for people from Botany background, who could spot even the rarest plants!)
After a while, just before we were about to reach the periphery of the park(as we started to see few human settlements at a distance), we saw huge snow clad mountains at a distance which houses the glacier from where the Pin River originates. Surrounding it were barren rock mountains extending to great heights with few stretches of wilderness in green. It was surreal- there was a sight everyone dreams of- the snow mountains with river flowing beneath, and few houses on the far edge. It appeared as if the drawings that we used to make in childhood, of home, river and inverted V mountains were coming true.
We started to spot the tree of Peas(matar), Buckwheat, and crops of Barley(jow) in the fields, that grew in frequency just as we were about to enter the village. The rivers also started to appear at quite a distance from here on. After few more minutes of travelling, we entered the main gates of second oldest monastery of Lahaul Spiti region- The Kungri Monastery.
The Main Prayer Hall at Kungri Monastery
The residence of monks at the monastery
Our travel expert- Tenzin, who sat just behind me, updated that it was the only monastery that entire region that followed Nyingmapa Buddhism . Later on , I came to know that this sect was the oldest form of Tibetan Buddhism – the one dedicated to Tantrayana or Vajrayana. In the wake of COVID situation, there were not much of tourists there. Apart from us- the three girls visiting the monastery, there were just two other bikers.
We entered through main gate and saw a building with rooms for monks on the three side with their dark red clothes drying in the verandas and a Prayer Hall in the center. As the main entrance to door of the Prayer Hall was shut, I decided to look at the colorful frescos and paintings on the wall outside the hall- some had faded and some appeared to have been colored recently.
Murals and frescos on the walls at the entrance
The entire area was dedicated to different forms of Guru Rinpoche or popularly known as Guru Padmasambhava in India. He is believed to have taught at the famous Nalanda University during 8th century and is considered the founder of Tantric School of Buddhism in Tibet. Extending from one corner of the wall to other, were the eight manifestations that Guru Rinpoche is believed to have lived during his life time. All his exemplification are believed to have shown the eight quantum energy fields in Physics. Painting of Dorje Drolo with wild wrathful Vajra in one hand, Sangye Dradok with lion roar, and other such forms prevalent in Tantrayana filled the walls with multitude of colors. It felt as if the Buddhist culture was given a life through these paintings, so that people could live in the zone.
After few moments, a resident monk of some 14-15 years of age came and opened the doors of Prayer Hall. We took off our shoes outside the sanctum, and entered the area which was total awe for a first time visitor like me. On the two sides of the hall, was a huge shelf that contained several small statues of Buddha and openings for the windows to let the air in. In the centre was huge golden plated statue of Gautam Buddha with a calm face, with Guru Rinpoche on his right having an aggressive facial tone and a female deity on the right. (Considering the fact that it was a Tantric Monastery, the female deity could be Tara-the female counterpart of Bodhisattva, as she held a lotus twig in her left hand signifying her spiritual purity). The entire chamber was filled with red coloured pillars with decorated golden motifs on the edges and ceiling of similar colour magnitude. After clicking pictures of the wonderful place and absorbing the various hues of Buddhist culture, we headed off to the last destination of the day- Mudh Village.
Cherishing the vast snow caps from Tara’s Homestay
Alluring view from the road leading to Mudh Village
Mudh Village, is a quaint serene village housing a small population of around 250 people. Surrounded by yellow flowered fields among the greens, with children playing on the streets, it was a visual treat! We stopped to have our lunch at one of the famous homestays there- Tara Homestay. We were greeted by a very humble lady who owned the homestay, and offered us to choose from the option she had for lunch. Heenika and I ordered for a Maggie, and others chose the very specialty of hills- Rajma Chawal and Pullow. After having quite a day, we all waited with our empty stomach for the lunch to arrive. It took to our surprise that food was literally the tastiest one, freshly prepared and hot even in such a cold temperature. Meanwhile all of us had quick chat and bonded over this feast from topics relating to the local culture, cuisine and geography of the place. Our mouth were filled with appreciation for the young lady who prepared the food in such a short time as per our taste preferences, with utmost cleanliness and hygiene in the kitchen.
We strayed out of the homestay towards the terrace(which I would have regretted not visiting). From the terrace lined with the colorful prayer flag, what I saw was -the view of snowy mountain right in front of me. It appeared like a scene straight out of the movies. Both, Heenika and I, shot a small clip for our Instagram Reels and I danced my heart out like a child just to feel the beauty of moment I was in. Playing that folky tune and track from Krishh- Chori Chori Chupke Chupke, that Bollywood thing, of strong gushing winds, colorful surrounding, huge mountains, and river was getting hell real! That was the moment which I always dreamt of living in- My idea of Romanticism- Me and those Snow covered Pinnacles. Remembering those moments, I feel that we should sometimes let ourselves free, untangle ourselves of the thought of what others may think of us- it should be our happy zone, our zone of contentment- the one that we cannot show to everyone but whenever we think about it- we should have a sense of relief within.
But, you cannot sustain that chillness of the wind without sweater even in the afternoons of Mudh. 😛
All those happy heroic moments, were soon getting covered up in light headache that I had started to feel again.
Who cares!!
At the end what matters is- I had my little moment of happiness!
Afterall, two glasses of the Single Malt – the local drink made out of barley- cured me of the headache at last.
We returned back to Kaza and cherished the three pearls of Spiti we visited that day. The headache that prevailed since last night had precipitated after this magic potion. I could sleep peacefully that night 😊
The clouds grew darker in the sky while we were on our way from Komik to Langza. It appeared as it was soon going to rain very heavily, and the temperature was dipping fast. By no way, I could open the window near my seat and enjoy the Lo-Fi Classics trending these days on every Instagram Page, if I wanted to return in a good health.
The “kutcha” road added to the fun of travelling in such a weather with mountains running right next to us on one side, and brownish vegetation spread on the plain surface to the another side.
Let’s talk about Langza first, the thought that I incurred before we reached the place.
Not many people know the place by its name, but whenever we search “Spiti Valley” on Google and various tours and travel companies promote their trips to Spiti, what remains the most prevalent in those promotional picture is a giant statue of seated Buddha. So, I was very excited to see the place, and click some great pictures there for my Instagram and Facebook page. I even thought of the angles, that I would prefer to capture the statue and the mountains surrounding the place. The statues of Buddha remains an attractive feature for tourists visiting Spiti, Leh-Ladakh, Sikkim, Bodh Gaya for their majestic sizes and color vibrancy. Considering it my very initial visit to place of Buddhist heritage, I was overjoyed in my expectations.
We approached the curvy bends on the road, that would lead us to our destination. What we could see was a pale yellow coloured view of Buddha from a distance. As the distance decreased, the view got larger and clearer.
But…
Something did not feel good, there was something going on in my mind and heart that I did not take cognizance of. After the final downhill turn, the traveler stopped but my heart kept beating louder. I got out of the Traveler as soon as the gates opened. Unconscious of the fact that I left my shawl, diaries, waistpouch and mobile phone in the Traveler, I just marched out slowly towards the place.
The statue of Buddha that you see from backside as you enter Langza. Picture Courtesy: Manali Dutta
What I could see was backside of Buddha’s statue, all painted in zillions of color that humanity could paint him in. As I kept approaching him, and the size enlarged. I do not recall what my mind was feeling when I saw him from the side I entered. The Back, the neck, the legs, and then the face…….I don’t remember the order, but I saw him.
My heart pounded heavily, tears flashed in my eyes and I did not have anything to see except Gautam- The Buddha.
I could not feel the statue. I was rather seeing the real saint I heard about, sitting in front of me. The man I was seeing was not a statue, but the man we heard about, who existed centuries back and lived life like no one before- a life of austerity and meaningfulness. The 35 feet tall height that I saw in him was the one that consisted of his immense knowledge about life, his devotion to the humanity and a feeling that he will put everything in the world at peace. The prince who turned his life of luxury into religious homelessness all by his own choice was sitting there- all calm, serene, amongst the dark clouds , kindly gazing at the miniature human beings and the “Panchtatva” /five elements surrounding him.
When we go to places of religious significance, we bow down and ask for happiness, good health and other desires to be fulfilled by the almighty. But, there I was, sitting on the ground with my hands folded, head towards him, eyes sometimes closely pressed and sometimes seeing him in astonishment. I was crying without voice, but heavily in my heart. Tears poured down without any reason or emotion. There was a feeling of emptiness within.
I was indulged looking at the magnanimous Guru and had no idea what in the world around me was happening. There was a complete void in my thoughts , in my feeling.
Letting go of yourself was a phenomena I had read but never experienced before that moment. I could not think of asking him anything in this world. I felt a burn in my heart that was ripping me apart, my hand and feet shivered even though there was no loud cry to echo my body.
After moments of continuous gazing, I felt a sudden long breeze of wind that crossed my face, with that last drop of tear falling on the ground.
There was feeling as if somebody has just touched my head and assured me that “You will be fine”. With a sense of satisfaction and smile on the face, I lifted myself up, saw Gautam for the one last time before I left the place.
The “Madhyam Marg” or “ Path of Moderation” that Gautam Buddha propagated could not help me control the huge reservoir of feelings within. I let it out with the flow of nature. We can plan things, but they are destined for us by the nature.
I felt as if that cry was pending since a long time, in front of a person I trusted! We humans try to paint the gods, goddesses in every color we want to see them in, but the force of nature remains immensely huge to let those colors settle in our minds. What ultimately remains with us, is different shades of emotion and gratitude we witness, not the temporary ones that will fade in no time.
Never thought that a picturesque location that I kept seeing on my mobile screen, would give me a moment of lifetime.
If this is not magical , then what is?
With the hope of returning back again, I left this magical place called Langza.
Being from a very small but hustling city of Bhagalpur in Bihar, I never had an idea, what coming out of home would do to me.
Engineering was never a passion to me, but yeah, it helped me channelize my time for travelling, reading and writing and exploring Bhubaneswar, also called as the City of Temples. Having ample option for discovering the ancient heritages of India, it was the place, where I began understanding that how much I love travelling and that it never was a “task” or “escape” for me. It has been my passion ever since.
I began writing my experiences in the diary- about my visits, my experiences and the beautiful architectures I come across- and just when I was about to leave college, I had that diary full of memoirs that I was going to cherish for life. Some of my experiences come from venturing into places that I have searched about but did not get enough information on , some other from suggestions from friends, and any guesses where does the rest comes from?? Ok, let me tell you, that I am a huge Bollywood buff and not only do I watch movies, I also visit those locations which I find too enticing to be avoided. (You’ll get the references soon in my Blog Posts as well )
In all these 6-7 years that I have been journeying far and wide, I feel that – Travelling no matter how far or in what conditionality, always brings me a sense of satisfaction. With every journey that I undertake, I feel to have humungous experience of cultures, people and nature in itself.
Here I am, to write my memoirs, not in a diary that only I can keep, but a diary that you can read as well.
Hereby, my episodes of travel and my experiences with the life so far- I put it open in front of you people. 😊
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The Indo Travels 