“ Apni Bandi ke liye agar 50000 ₹ se upar ka lehenga le lenge, to problem nahi hai. Kyunki larkiya mehenge kapde pehenti hai. Par apne liye I can’t think of such costly sherwani.”
“It’s a prerogative of men to fulfill wishes of his wife”
“Tum jaha jaogi bata dena”
I was hell frustrated before I was compelled to write this piece. When you point something wrong in the society, it’s difficult to live with that because people compel you with every other reason, as to why and how you are wrong. Specially when you are a opinionated woman, it’s even more difficult, because it’s hard for people(both men and women) to grasp that you can voice something on your own. The primary reason for this is- everyone today speaks of equality, gender sensitivity, progressive society. But these words remain as words, they are never turned into action. Standing for what you speak of, requires courage and moreover that brave act requires your heart to take a standalone feel that you are right. No matter what anyone says, if my heart says this is right, I will stand by it! Even if it means standing against the set notions of the society we live in.
While some acquire that courage to stand up against the society, they lack the conviction for standing against the society’s wrong. Eventually the person starts doubting themselves that might have done something wrong deviating from the parochial thoughts of society.
Few months back, while one of my friends was getting married, he was ok with his belief of spending lakhs on her fiancé’s lehenga even though she was financially independent. But he was not okay with the fact of even spending the optimum as per his choice and taste on a garment that he wanted to wear on his special day- because “larke itna mehenga nai pehente.” A similar incident happened with another friend, and that was the time I truly felt that this is not something I can live with. You are made to live in a world, where people are okay with saying something so casually and I do not blame them for such thinking. Maybe they have grown seeing people following it, but it’s not the “progressing” society that they speak of in discussions. I respect the choice of what range a person wants to spend in for their own wedding, but compromising your bit, so that you can fulfill someone else’s wish, just to be doubly sure that you are standing by the notion of society- “Larke kaa kaam hota hai larkiyon ke har wish ko pura karna”. This is something that I do not stand for.
I firmly believe that the society has evolved with time and so should the mindset of everyone around. It is wrong of boys to think that marriage is all about fulfilling the wishes of his girl. What’s it with both girls and boys who take jokes like- “shadi ke baad jeevan khatam” and all too seriously. The WhatsApp jokes reinforced in family and friend groups on notions like these are very challenging to an evolving mind. Some even say that “take this as joke and nothing else”, but… Dude, I haven’t seen men in such a dominating light in any jokes. It’s the women who are made villains and yeah it is offending.
Dictating someone to do something when that person does not want that suggestion is clearly an example in this direction. Do you know the reason for it is nothing but majority of men and women are trained from their childhood that women are under someone’s protection- be it her father, brother or husband. They find it completely okay to take suggestion and suppress their own will to keep someone happy.
To be very open about it, I would be lying if I said that challenging stereotypes like this does not take a mental toll on me at times. I do speak up for my cause, and I am never afraid to speak about what I feel is right. But sometimes, it happens that after speaking up, it takes me down the memory lane where I am reminded that no one in my family did so! None of the girl or woman in my family spoke up, even when they knew that things done to them have been wrong. Why do I need to be the fighter, to be a villain in everyone’s eye? If I speak up, that would mean upsetting people very close to me- my own dad, my own friends, my own soulmate… all those who mean most to me.
Things might be similar for guys as well who are trying to break stereotype and set an example, but they might not feel wronged until they themselves reinforce such a belief because the precedent set by society is always in their favor.
Instead of singling your thoughts on the fact that it’s a man’s duty to fulfill the family’s wishes, why don’t we try to work in duality? What if people of house both take charge to fulfill their family’s wishes? What if people don’t just speak of breaking stereotypes and actually try doing it by standing firm on their actions? What if people just don’t judge someone for having an opinion?
And by people, I do mean- both men and women. Don’t you think life would be much sorted then? It takes courage to stand against society, but it takes guts to keep believing your uniqueness that will set an example for your future generations to come.
Suggested Reading:
The Indo Travels 