The clouds grew darker in the sky while we were on our way from Komik to Langza. It appeared as it was soon going to rain very heavily, and the temperature was dipping fast. By no way, I could open the window near my seat and enjoy the Lo-Fi Classics trending these days on every Instagram Page, if I wanted to return in a good health.

The “kutcha” road added to the fun of travelling in such a weather with mountains running right next to us on one side, and brownish vegetation spread on the plain surface to the another side.

Let’s talk about Langza first, the thought that I incurred before we reached the place.

Not many people know the place by its name, but whenever we search “Spiti Valley” on Google and various tours and travel companies promote their trips to Spiti, what remains the most prevalent in those promotional picture is a giant statue of seated Buddha. So, I was very excited to see the place, and click some great pictures there for my Instagram and Facebook page. I even thought of the angles, that I would prefer to capture the statue and the mountains surrounding the place. The statues of Buddha remains an attractive feature for tourists visiting Spiti, Leh-Ladakh, Sikkim, Bodh Gaya for their majestic sizes and color vibrancy. Considering it my very initial visit to place of Buddhist heritage, I was overjoyed in my expectations.

We approached the curvy bends on the road, that would lead us to our destination. What we could see was a pale yellow coloured view of Buddha from a distance. As the distance decreased, the view got larger and clearer.

 But…

Something did not feel good, there was something going on in my mind and heart that I did not take cognizance of. After the final downhill turn, the traveler stopped but my heart kept beating louder.  I got out of the Traveler as soon as the gates opened. Unconscious of the fact that I left my shawl, diaries, waistpouch and mobile phone in the Traveler, I just marched out slowly towards the place.

What I could see was backside of Buddha’s statue, all painted in zillions of color that humanity could paint him in. As I kept approaching him, and the size enlarged. I do not recall what my mind was feeling when I saw him from the side I entered. The Back, the neck, the legs, and then the face…….I don’t remember the order, but I saw him.

My heart pounded heavily, tears flashed in my eyes and I did not have anything to see except Gautam- The Buddha.

I could not feel the statue. I was rather seeing the real saint I heard about, sitting in front of me. The man I was seeing was not a statue, but the man we heard about, who existed centuries back and lived life like no one before- a life of austerity and meaningfulness. The 35 feet tall height that I saw in him was the one that consisted of his immense knowledge about life, his devotion to the humanity and a feeling that he will put everything in the world at peace. The prince who turned his life of luxury into religious homelessness all by his own choice was sitting there- all calm, serene, amongst the dark clouds , kindly gazing at the miniature human beings and the “Panchtatva” /five elements surrounding him.

When we go to places of religious significance, we bow down and ask for happiness, good health and other desires to be fulfilled by the almighty. But, there I was, sitting on the ground with my hands folded, head towards him, eyes sometimes closely pressed and sometimes seeing him in astonishment. I was crying without voice, but heavily in my heart. Tears poured down without any reason or emotion. There was a feeling of emptiness within.

I was indulged looking at the magnanimous Guru and had no idea what in the world around me was happening. There was a complete void in my thoughts , in my feeling.                                           

Letting go of yourself was a phenomena I had read but never experienced before that moment. I could not think of asking him anything in this world. I felt a burn in my heart that was ripping me apart, my hand and feet shivered even though there was no loud cry to echo my body.

After moments of continuous gazing, I felt a sudden long breeze of wind that crossed my face, with that last drop of tear falling on the ground.

There was feeling as if somebody has just touched my head and assured me that “You will be fine”. With a sense of satisfaction and smile on the face, I lifted myself up, saw Gautam for the one last time before I left the place. 

The “Madhyam Marg” or “ Path of Moderation” that Gautam Buddha propagated could not help me control the huge reservoir of feelings within. I let it out with the flow of nature. We can plan things, but they are destined for us by the nature.

I felt as if that cry was pending since a long time, in front of a person I trusted! We humans try to paint the gods, goddesses in every color we want to see them in, but the force of nature remains immensely huge to let those colors settle in our minds. What ultimately remains with us, is different shades of emotion and gratitude we witness, not the temporary ones that will fade in no time.

Never thought that a picturesque location that I kept seeing on my mobile screen, would give me a moment of lifetime.

If this is not magical , then what is?

With the hope of returning back again, I left this magical place called Langza.

© Purvi